As the summer wanes and the crisp cool air harkens a new season, parents all across the country are experiencing the feelings that come with a quieter home. They may have delivered their child to a dorm room in a far away town or helped their kid settle into their first apartment. These parents are described as “Empty Nesters.”
Parents who have successfully guided their children toward independence, may feel a mix of emotions, all while making a significant shift in how to live their own lives. After decades of active parenting, empty nesters may find that establishing a new rhythm of their own is both challenging and liberating. What can you, as an empty nester, expect?
Emotional Rollercoaster
The first and often most intense aspect of this transition is emotional. Empty nesters can experience a complex blend of feelings—pride in their children, sadness over their absence, and even guilt for feeling relieved. Feeling a sense of loss or even grief at the disruption of the daily routines of parenting is to be expected.
However, alongside the sadness, there can be a sense of liberation. Without the constant demands of raising children, empty nesters may find they have more time for personal pursuits, self-care and an opportunity to reconnect to their parenting partner. The time and attention that emerges makes it possible to rediscover your identity that may have been put on hold during the busy years of parenting.
Redefine Your Role
Parenthood often provides structure and a clear sense of purpose. When children leave, many parents struggle with the question of “What now?” Your role as a caregiver shifts, and without children to care for, you may feel lost or unsure of your purpose.
It is important to take this time to redefine your personal role outside of being [Your Child’s Name]’s Mom or Dad. Think about how this opens up opportunities to develop your sense of what is important to you as an individual. This empty nest phase can be an opportunity for personal growth and exploration, helping you discover a set of new goals for your life. Some ways that may help you identify the path before you are setting SMART goals, journaling and or working with a therapist. The goals that emerged for me were to find business education opportunities, connect with friends and colleagues, and plan travels with my husband.
Redefine Your Space
Once you have identified what you plan to focus on as an empty nester, you may find that your home does not support your new role. Spaces that were once filled with children may need to be reimagined to make space for your goals and dreams. Of course, this doesn’t mean that your kids don’t get to visit.
When my daughter moved out, I transformed her room into my office with a pull out couch. This was my first experience since I was single in my first apartment that I had a room of my own. Now I have a room to focus on my goals and dreams! Your child’s former bedroom doesn’t need to become an office.
I encourage you to create a space that is aligned with your goals–creativity, health, meditation, etc. Consider removing the bed and putting in a pull out couch. For those who may feel overwhelmed by this transition, professional organizers and lifestyle specialists can be a great resource to help create a space that fosters personal growth
Embracing New Relationships with Adult Children
With your child out of the family home, take note of how the parent-child dynamic shifts. Empty nesters must learn to navigate this evolving relationship, by respecting their child’s independence while maintaining a supportive and loving connection. Boundaries of communication change, as we learn when to offer advice and when to let our children make their own decisions.
Letting go of control over your child can be a hard shift, but the relationship can grow stronger when there is mutual respect and equality. When we helped our daughter launch, we had daily calls everyday until she found her footing. The calls have subsided, but she reaches out to fill us in and visits on most Sundays. The dynamic has shifted and I am so proud she is an adult who still loves to be with her parents, but is forging her way through new experiences and relationships.
Thriving in the Empty Nest
Maybe the term empty nester should be reexamined. Perhaps it is actually a phase of life rather than a moniker. Though the journey toward an empty nest can feel uncertain and emotional, refrain from viewing it as an ending. Accept it as a doorway toward new opportunities and growth.The Empty Nest Phase allows us to fill up our nests with new eggs that need nurturing and attention.
How will you thrive in this new phase of empty nesting? Are you going to make time for hobbies, developing new relationships, or getting involved in your community by volunteering? We would love to know what you plan to do next. Contact Us if you need help!
